Growthtrac Community

[agapelove]

I really don't know where to start, but I am just going to start somewhere and hopefully it will make sense @ the end of the post. Before I continued, let me say that it feels so good to be back to this forum and I know that I am going to get some godly insight about this uncontrollably feeling that I am going through right now.

Well, Let me start: I was in a relationship for 4 years and we decided to get married this past september, considering the fact that he proposed to me like a year into our relationship and things started happening that wouldn't allow us to fixed a date untill sometime last year and we decided to get married this year even though we have gone through a lot together and I so much wanted to marry him myself and I expected to be able to help him with of the things that he was going through (I don't know but maybe childhood thing that he never talked to me about). He claimed that he loved me and because of his insecurities in some ways, he wouldn't want to share that part with me and I was okay with that because I was so much in love with him and I will really love to help him overcome this (you know being the help mate to him).

Well, things changed after he went to visit his family in another country to tell them that he was going to get married and he came back telling me that he was not ready to get married anymore in september and I demanded a reason for it and he said that He wanted one of his siblings to be here and he wouldn't be able to made it @ the time that we fixed (a brother that he hasn't spoken with for a long time) and that he couldn't afford a wedding as of that time and I asked that when will he want to get married then and he said that he didn't know and that really devastated me and I thought that he wasn't ready and that he wasn't serious about something that meant a lot to me and I pulled away from him a little and he came back asking me to marry him again and I agreed to still be in the relationship because I really want to help him alot for I loved him so much and I told him that I can only marry him if things change in the relationship and he said that he will worked on being more open to me so far things has not improved instead they are deteriorating because when ever we had to talk about things in the relationship that needed to be worked on, he was not always ready, he was always tired and wouldn't want to talk about things then and being in love I allowed him to go on with the kind of behavior for like 4 months and now I can't just stand it anymore, I want to move on with my life and I want this relationship over but I am finding it so hard to end it because he still seem interested but not commiting enough for my liking and I want it end now but if any of you have a suggestion please give it, it helps attimes when you hear other people that kind of have same values as you do give advice.

We have been to the pastors of my church, cause we were @ a 3 months marriage councelling before he travelled to visit his family( part of the reason why I tried to work it out the second time).

Please help, I had to tell him off today, because I am tired of playing the kind of game that he wants to play and I want it over as ASAP. Don't even think I want to marry him again, I want to get over now and now forever, it is hard but I really want to do just that (My first relationship)....

Thanks all for listening to my ramblings.

Agapelove.

[webacus]

Hi there. Thanks for sharing your story.

I have an (obvious) answer for you, but just want to confirm a few things.

You are not married, correct?
Tell me about where you guys are at spiritually? Are you Christians?

[Andy]

Thanks for sharing and God Bless!
I will be praying that you do the right thing according to God's will for you.With prayer surely you will find God's guidance and he will take you though every thing no matter how difficult or impossible things might be.So I advice not do do anything on the spur of the moment and take time to pray and seek God's will.
By taking time out to seek advice from this Christian forum shows that you are taking steps in the right direction...

[Wynne]

I feel for you, dear girl, and I know that you are right to wait in this matter.

One simply must not marry someone with so much baggage unless he is at least willing to open it all up and let us know what is in it.

[SAM]

As simple as it may seem, it is so hard to do at times, but pray, pray, pray. Hopefully, you will gain some sense of peace, some sense of guidance from God and a clear mind.

I would think you would want total honesty,openess and no hiding in a relationship. Doesn't sound like that is there for you.

I wish you the best during this difficult time. Know God will be there, He has not left you.