Growthtrac Community

[SAM]

What do you do when your daughter or son come to you and tell you they've made a horrible mistake and there's a baby on the way?

[wifeandmother]

Sam, I know this is a old post and no one responded but....
I know what it's like..when I was 11 my mom died and I was left alone with dad out meeting new people "getting a life", I went and did my own thing. Yes I got pregnant at 15, my dad disowned me unless I gave her up for adoption. Signing the adoption papers is crazy, they make you sign that you are not being forced to do this my anyone with my dad sitting right next to me. Any way, my father was very invovled in our church growing up (Sunday school teacher, youth involvment, usher, the whole shabang).
But just knowing I was pregnant and I could do it, I kept my daughter. It was really hard, I graduated with honors from high school (I had a reason to) I also graduated 8 months pregnant with my son on graduation day. But it is possible, I KNOW! I lived it, with proper supports (supports not raising the child for them) it is successful.
My baby girl is now almost 21 years old and my son is 19, I was extra cafeful since it was a "been there done that".
Hope this isn't too late!

[SAM]

I put this question out there because I have found a lot of silence on this subject within the Christian community. The fact that is has taken this long to get a response on the boards only confirms this.

Pregnancy in Christian homes occurs more frequently than people admit too. As parents we approach it with such shame as though it is a reflection on our lack of faith in Christ or our inability to teach our children what purity means.

I walked this journey with both of my daughters. Let's talk about it. Perhaps we can help parents or their children who are walking the same path. Forcing our children into adoption, abortion or early marriage is not the path to take. Loving them in spite of their mistakes is.

[wifeandmother]

Very interesting Sam. I am very open about it, I even have stuff from when I was pregnant with my daughter (adoption cards etc) she is aware of everything. Being a Jr High Youth Leader as well, I make sure this is a topic of discussion yearly. THEY NEED TO KNOW (I know preaching to the choir-hehe). Even with protection, my 2 children we used protection (one was a condom and my son I was on the birth control pill) God has his way. ANy medicine or protection will not get HIS will done.
Thanks for bringing this up and I hope more people will chat if this happened to them. It is ok, God still loves you.

[SAM]

Thanks for being open to sharing. I hope more people will join us.

[kutzy]

I can talk from my experiance. I was only 16 when I got pregnant with my son. I was raised by a single father who had just had a baby with his girlfriend and was away from home most of the time. d/t her being born at 26 weeks along. I sought a males attention and then was forced into a sexaul situation that was devistating to me and i denied the pregnancy for 3 months in my own brain. then didnt tell my parents until I was 6months along. I had asked my dad the what if question about 3 months before this happened and he stated that he would make me have an abortion. So I waited unitl I knew he couldnt do that. He did want me to have him adopted because he thought he would have to take care of him but I did keep him and met my now husband and got married when I was 19. it has been 13 yrs now and i dont regret my son, and my husband has been and will always be the dad. I started early with talking to my daughters about sex and what God says in the Bible, and my daily prayer is that they will wait and not give in to peer preasure or what the world views as normal. A great book to read with your children is How to prepare your sonor Daughter for every women/men battle. it is a grat reasource.

[tammyj]

I am new to this site but I have a question that goes along with yours and would appreciate your input. We have an adopted daughter that is 18 yrs. old and in college and has lived with us for only 4 years. She has a boyfriend that is 22 years old recently I found out that they are sexually active and she thought that she was expecting. She was not but I am struggling with whether to have her get on birth control or not. We do not believe in pre-martial sex and have taught her this way so I not sure if I will be sending her the message that it is okay or what. What should we do?

[Karelina9]

Hi Tammy,

I know this is an older post, but I wanted to answer this, at least give you my input on it.
If you are aware that that your daughter is sexually active, to me it would seem you are only in denial if you don't suggest for her to go on birth control. I do understand what you are thinking, but I don't think its the best choice. Of course my first choice would to be to talk to her about the choice she has made, and the fact that she is indeed sinning against God in this act. But if she is not receptive to this, and I would suspect she wouldn't be, then I would take her to get birth control and also inform her about the dangers of AIDS and other STD's. There are so many STD's out there, she better protect herself from those. HPV is prevailant out there. So much so, that they are trying to get a mandatory Vaccine for girls as young as 9 in a state local to us. That just makes me ill.
Anyway, I hope that your daughter somehow comes back around, but if not, keep her as safe as you can, and inform her.
We as Christians NEED to inform our kids and not just hope nothing happens.