Growthtrac Community

[marzettejohnson]

What does the bible say about husbands and wives attending the same church? My husband and I were attending the same church where we married. Three years ago, I was born again and started to really study the Word. I began to see that what I was reading and what I saw at church was not matching up. I began to seek God on what to do, and He told me to find some place else to worship.

The issue was that my husband was not hearing the same message. My husband wanted to stay at this church because we had established ties there. My husbnd is one of the trustees, however, he does not study or attend bible study. He recently told me that he was not sure whether he was saved, and that he has no desire to be saved.

I continued to pray about this issue, and God kep telling me the same thing - go to another church. When I started praying about going without my husband, He told me that He would send my husband, but I was to following His (God's" isnstructions). I spoke to my husband about this, and he told me to do what I felt was right. So, I took my two girls and joined another church. My husband remains at the other church.

Well, I mentioned this to some friends of mine and they told me that I was out of order. They said I was not submitting to my husband because we were not at the same church. I searched the scriptures, but did not find anything on husbands and wives attending the same church. I thought I submitted to my husband when I asked him if it was OK for me to join another church.

I really enjoy this other church. Each Sunday I learn something. Also, my girls were learning a lot. I also teach the toddlers class in Children's Church. Sometimes, I feel bad about not being with my husband. He has visited the church for the Easter program and for my baptism, and he says he does not like to order of service. Also, the enemy has been telling me that I am going against God's will and that God is not pleased with me.

Can someone give me some insight on tis issue?

[webacus]

marzettejohnson, sorry for the late response.

My husbnd is one of the trustees, however, he does not study or attend bible study. He recently told me that he was not sure whether he was saved, and that he has no desire to be saved...

Your statement above, I think, sheds much light on the issue.

The fact that your husband is a non-Christian and a trustee at a church-- says much about the character of that church.
I think that says something about their values, Statement of Faith, etc.

Secondly, you and your husband are on different pages spiritually (unequally yoked). I'm guessing there is more going on
than disagreement about which church to attend.

I agree. I think you did submit to your husband by asking his permission to attend another church.

And I don't know that scripture says anything about spouses attending the same church. I think it is assumed
that if a marriage is to grow spiritually, those people would engage in the same community.

I think it's wonderful that you and your daughters have found a
church home where you can learn and grow. But my prayer would
be that your husband would become a Christian -- and join his
family at church together. This might take time...

I highly suggest this book
http://www.bookschristian.com/refer/gro ... DUCT=97154

Suggested Reading
http://inside.growthtrac.com/inside/200 ... hurch.html

http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/article_81.php

http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/topics/31.php

[SAM]

Because you asked your husband and he agreed to allowing you and your children to attend another church, means you did honor him and respect him - which is exactly what the word submission means.

To bring oneness and unity into your family, is it possible for you to both look for a church that you both love? What does this example show your children? It shows them that a husband and wife are divided in their decisions and in their faith. This sends a very confusing message.

For you to grow as a couple and to head in the direction of faith together, there needs to be a decision to bring unity and oneness to your marriage and your family. That means worshipping in a house of God together, not separately.

[marzettejohnson]

I totally agree. I've made many suggestions on things the two of us could do together, and what we can do as a family. I given many suggestions on family vacations. I've asked that we have lunch together once a week. All of my suggestions have fallen on deaf ears. I have tried all I can to get closer to my husband.

My husband seems to do all he can to be away from home. He works a regular job, has a part time job and is in the Army Reserve. He is also at the beckon call of his sisters, his brothers, his neices, his nephews and friends. However, his wife and children have to handle things themselves. He is away from home a lot, and it is very frustrating.

Long before I left our church, he was not trying to get to church on time. Many Sundays we made it to church during the benediction. He stopped attending bible study, and he stopped attending Sunday School. Church is very important to me, and we discussed this before we married. He also stated that church was important to him, and that he wanted his children raised in church. Then, he made a 180 degee turn. I have to maintain my relationship with the Lord even if he does not want to maintain one. I have to tell my girls about the Lord even though their father will not.

Yes, they will see the division; but this is the best I can do until things change.

Because you asked your husband and he agreed to allowing you and your children to attend another church, means you did honor him and respect him - which is exactly what the word submission means.

To bring oneness and unity into your family, is it possible for you to both look for a church that you both love? What does this example show your children? It shows them that a husband and wife are divided in their decisions and in their faith. This sends a very confusing message.

For you to grow as a couple and to head in the direction of faith together, there needs to be a decision to bring unity and oneness to your marriage and your family. That means worshipping in a house of God together, not separately.

[SAM]

Next step -
Honest and open discussion with him about what you are feeling on this account. Sometimes our guys need a little bit more than one or two reminders of how we are feeling about things and how we are feeling about our marriages.

The step to take after that, if it continues to fall on deaf ears, is couple counseling. Or, counseling for yourself. Sometimes you can be taught or given tools that will help set up better communication on your part with him.

Saying It So He'll Listen by Dr. David Hawkins is a pretty good book.
One of the topics it covers is: Do you and your man take opposite sides of the issue? Learn how you can come together and work on problems as a team.

[marzettejohnson]

I will have to attend counseling myself. I've talked and talked and talked, etc. It seems as though he has a total shut down when I mention church, salvation, etc. Usually, it takes him time to warm up to anything. I don't think he'll attend counseling. He doesn't want to feel like someone is telling him what to do.

Thank you fo much for your advice.

Next step -
Honest and open discussion with him about what you are feeling on this account. Sometimes our guys need a little bit more than one or two reminders of how we are feeling about things and how we are feeling about our marriages.

The step to take after that, if it continues to fall on deaf ears, is couple counseling. Or, counseling for yourself. Sometimes you can be taught or given tools that will help set up better communication on your part with him.

Saying It So He'll Listen by Dr. David Hawkins is a pretty good book.
One of the topics it covers is: Do you and your man take opposite sides of the issue? Learn how you can come together and work on problems as a team.

[SAM]

We all have a bit of pride in us. It gets in the way of having the marriage God intended for us.